"We opened [The Birds] last night and the response from the audience was tremendous. People laughed from start to finish. The chair of the Department of Classics from the University of Vermont was in the crowd. He tracked me down during intermission to request a script; he enjoyed himself immensely."
-Leesa Guay Timpson, Drama Director, Burlington High School

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New One-Acts

It's Not You, It's Me
(full sample | buy now)
5-20 actors possible: 2-10 females, 2-10 males

Whether your boyfriend is a Canadian secret agent or monk in training, or your girlfriend is a psychic or pathological liar, one thing is for sure: they are about to dump you. Exploring the painful art of breaking-up through comedic, awkwardly realistic characters, this series of wildly hilarious scenes are sure to make you feel relieved not to be the receiving end of those five fatal relationship words. 


Oz
(full sample | buy now)
8-16 actors possible: 4-8 females, 4-8 males

Reeling from her sister's death, Beth suddenly finds herself journeying through a world suspiciously resembling the film The Wizard of Oz. But with the yellow brick road sold to foreign investors after a financial meltdown, the Scarecrow reveling in his ignorant bliss, the Cowardly Lion acting like a paranoid sociopath, and the Tin Man embracing his emotional numbness, Beth wonders what role she plays in this classic story gone awry. A hilarious and heart-wrenching exploration of grief and perseverance on the road to acceptance. 


High School Musi-pocalypse
(full sample | buy now)
12-40 actors possible: 3-25 females, 3-25 males

When hunky star basketball player Cory and gorgeous smart girl Alejandra are chosen to star in Miss Farkus' winter musical, their story seems suspiciously similar to a certain popular film...and one lawyer won't stand for it. But a potential lawsuit is the least of the cast's problems: money is running out, and the depressing script doesn't seem likely to generate sales. Luckily, an Ancient Mayan exchange student has written a blockbuster musical disaster -- and it's guaranteed to be the most volcanic, destructive, and lucrative musical any high school has ever seen.

Full-Length

The Election
(downloadable sample) - also listed in the full-length section
12-50 actors, highly flexible

After an embattled student body president resigns in disgrace, Mark Davenport figures he will cruise to victory in the special election. After all, his only opponent is nerdy Christy Martin, who has no friends, and is proposing eliminating football. But that’s before she gets an extreme makeover, raises millions of dollars through a mysterious SuperPAC, and starts running vicious attack ads on local television. Now Mark is in for the fight of his life, and it’s either face total annihilation or accept the services of a slick professional campaign manager with questionable ethics and his own SuperPAC. A hilarious and timely satire on the contemporary political scene.


The Matchmakers
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section
8 males, 5 females

Bree isn't exactly having a good day. Her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend took her to Wendy's before the homecoming dance, her father works at a Renaissance Festival and never gets out of character, and her best friend is getting married at sixteen. After her Mom divorces her Dad and gets engaged to the marriage counselor, Bree tries her best to find a new match for her sword-loving father. Too bad he's trying to match her up at the same time. And it's also too bad she seems to be romantically entangled with a guy who just happens to be her future brother-in-law. A hilarious and fast-paced romantic comedy. 


Chemical Bonding
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section
Up to 25 actors, gender flexible

A heartfelt and hilarious comedic drama about a girl coming to grips with life the summer after graduating near the top of her class. Pressured into taking the worst summer job imaginable, third-shift at a chemical solvents factory, Dani must navigate life, love, illness, facebook, and insane relatives to somehow make her way to college.


The Greek Mythology Olympiaganza
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section
8-50+ actors, gender flexible

Like the Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon, The Greek Mythology Olympiaganza is a hilarious, free-wheeling journey through all of the myths of ancient Greece. Two battling narrators attempt to cover the entirety of Greek mythology using audience participation, cross-dressing, and general theatrical insanity. Famous myths such as Pandora's Box, Jason and the Argonauts (the original Super Friends), and Hercules: Intern God jostle for space with obscure, weird myths such as the myth of Linus and the legend of the Argus. Culminating in a bizarre, musical dance-influenced version of the Iliad complete with a full-scale battle of little green army men, this play is wild, silly, and a complete blast. Performable with as few as eight actors playing numerous roles or a huge cast. Highly flexible.

Also available in both a condensed one-act version and an Iliad-only one-act.


SeussOdyssey
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section
8-50+ actors, gender flexible

Homer's Odyssey is transformed into a wild, subversive comedy told in the style of Dr. Seuss. Includes a singing Cyclops (“oh the sights you can spy with only one eye”) a Seussian underworld, and a climactic slaughter of teddy bears in Odysseus' great hall.

Also available in a one-act version.


The Craving
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section
10 females, 8 males, 9 either (14-27 actors possible: 7-19 females, 2-17 males)

Screenwriter Terry Kyle Morris has just written his first screenplay, a heartwarming emotional journey. His dreams are answered when a big Hollywood studio decides to produce it, but the dream turns into a nightmare as they transform his beautiful script into a zombie slasher flick.


The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section, with a one-act version
5-47 actors, gender flexible. Comedy, 100-120 minutes.

Told in a similar style to The Reduced Shakespeare Company, The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon is a madcap romp through the collected stories of the Brothers Grimm. Two warring narrators attempt to combine all 209 fairy tales into one impossibly complicated storyline in a hilarious theatrical event. Using audience participation, cross-casting, cross-dressing, quick costume changes and some creative re-imagining of the stories, the narrators utilize three other actors to tell as many fairy tales as possible. Famous stories such as Rapunzel, Rumpelstiltskin, The Frog Prince, Snow White, and Little Red Riding Hood are told alongside bizarre, obscure tales like Lean Lisa, The Girl Without Hands, and The Devil's Grandmother, all culminating in a frenetic one-man Cinderella in which one unfortunate actor is corralled into performing all of the roles in a mind and gender-bending dash to the finish line.

Fluid, fast-paced, and requiring virtually no set, this play can fit into any size arena and adapt to any location. Due to some innuendo and double entendres, this play may not be suitable for audience members under twelve years old. For everyone else, it's wild, silly fun


The Birds: A Modern Adaptation
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now) - also listed in the full-length section
(16-26 characters, gender flexible), Comedy, 100 minutes 

A hilarious re-imagining of the classic comedy by Aristophanes. When Pithetaerus and Eulpides, two hucksters from Athens, attempt to escape the cares of the modern world, they prevail upon Epops, king of the Birds, to create a bird utopia. Their plan: build a wall between Olympus and Earth to starve the gods of their precious sacrificial smoke. What follows is a ridiculous power struggle between the old gods of Olympus and the squawking denizens of the clouds.

An updated, viciously funny version of the ancient comedy. 


One Good Thing
(downloadable sample - also listed in the full-length section)
Up to 35 actors (29 speaking roles) 120 minutes

"Travis, a senior in high school, is pretty miserable. The girl he's in love with doesn't know he exists, his father is leaving his mother, and his older brother has been deployed to Iraq. All he really wants to do is make it through high school, but that's easier said then done. Erynne, a rebellious punk girl, would probably think Travis has it easy. She's been kicked out of her house and is living in a mini-van and her boyfriend is thinking about dumping her. 

Even though they have class together at school, Travis and Erynne don't know each other. And whether or not they find each other will determine if they live through the night. One Good Thing is a play about dealing with tragedy and the strength necessary to survive, all in the search for just one good thing." 

This play isn't a wild comedy like the other ones. Although it is kind of wild and funny, but this is also a serious drama. Published by Youthplays Inc.
 

Large cast one acts

Anna and August (downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
3 females, 3 males (4-8 actors possible: 2-4 females, 2-4 males)

Anna is the smartest girl in the school. She's also a purple belt in Tae Kwon Do and has a devastating punch. Strangely enough, she has trouble meeting boys. Except one: August, who seems to appreciate her weirdness. Unfortunately, the course of weird love never did run smooth.

The Audition (downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
10 females, 3 males, 11 either (13-30 actors possible: 3-25 females, 1-25 males)

A new theater teacher is bringing a production of A Chorus Line to the high school. Though the hopefuls range from shy to outrageous, and from diva-like to determined, everyone has a chance to step into the spotlight. A hilarious and heartbreaking look at the madness of auditioning and the actors who brave the process for that perfect part.


The Devil in Sherman Marsh (downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
6 females, 6 males, 6 either (10-30 actors possible: 3-15 females, 3-20 males) 

Incorrigible nerd Sherman Marsh is tormented by his peers, ignored by his teachers, and shot down by his one true love. His world changes when he discovers a magic Yu-Gi-Oh card which summons a devil to his side. Risking his eternal soul, Sherman makes a wish to ensure his popularity. Unfortunately, deals with supernatural beings rarely turn out as intended. A hilarious modern reimagining of the Faustus story, culminating in an epic collectible card battle. 

All royalties from this play are donated to education.


Alice's Adventures with Poorly Cooked Cafeteria Seafood 
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
13-23 characters, gender flexible, Comedy, 45-50 minutes

Alice is having about the worst day imaginable. Her genius little brother, Waldo, is forcing her into a game of Dungeons and Dragons with his weird little friends, and school is turning out to be a nightmare—She has detention with the meanest teacher alive: Ms. Snodgrass. So Alice attempts to get herself sent to the hospital by eating as much "mystery fish" as possible in the cafeteria. What follows is a bizarre series of hallucinations that have a suspicious resemblance to another famous Alice story.

This one is perfect for schools, with lots of fun costumes.


The Bells of Charlemont (downloadable sample | full sample | buy now
6 men, up to 20 women, Drama, 40 minutes

Based on a true story. On Christmas Eve, 1944, a small group of American soldiers occupies a burned out village in Northern France. The widow of the mayor gives them an extraordinary request to help save the town and revive it from the crippling malaise of Nazi occupation. Before the soldiers can complete their task, however, they are called away to the Battle of the Bulge. Will they desert the army to help the people they have come to love? A drama of hope and the power of the human spirit in the midst of war.


Feed the Whales: The Saga of the Boy Band Oreo
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now
14-25 actors, gender flexible
Comedy, 40-45 minutes

Conniving tour promoter Dr. Bliss has only two weeks to create a new act for the annual Feed the Whales festival, and its organizer, the sinister 4H Den Mother known only as Granny, has threatened untold destruction on him if he can't come up with a show. He and his partner in crime Harmon strike upon the easiest band of all to create: a boy band. Unfortunately, putting together a boy band in a town where there don't seem to be any boys is a real problem, and their band consists of a confused plumber, the son of Menudo cast-off, a girl with a fake goatee, and an escaped patient from a mental hospital named Shud who may or may not have burned it down, but is probably a cannibal. Will the newly christened Oreo become a hit? Will Shud eat someone before opening night? A wild and crazy comedy with smooth dance moves and crisp vocals. 


Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face (full sample | buy now)
Up to 20 actors, 45 minutes

"Bobby Wilson has a tough life. His mom doesn't trust him, his little sister is pure evil, and his school life is a disaster. After getting in trouble at school (through no fault of his own) for both sexual harassment and terrorist threats, he decides to do the only thing he can: run away and join a circus freak show." 


Miss Polly's Institute for Criminally Damaged Young Ladies Puts on a Show
(full sample | buy now)
16 actors, 40 minutes, good for UIL competitions

Miss Mylenbush, the semi-hysterical head of the theatre department at Miss Polly's Institute for Criminally Damaged Young Ladies, is about to put on the greatest tragedy ever written: Hamlet. The trouble is, her actors are a bunch of teenage girls teetering between delusions of grandeur and criminally insane behavior. When her actors revolt against her autocratic direction and decide to stage the play their way, disturbing hilarity ensues. 

This is probably my favorite play that I've done for teenagers. It doesn't get performed as frequently because I designed it for 14 middle-school age girls and 2 boys. But I really think this one is the funniest out of all of these. I could be wrong, but that's my opinion. 


Employees Must Wash Hands... Before Murder
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
Up to 18 actors, 45 minutes

Something is rotten in the Burgatorium. Besides the meat. When the health inspector and his gangsta-inspired intern from the suburbs arrive at this low-end fast food restaurant, the manager turns up dead. And it's up to the inspector to solve the mystery and the find the murderer from among a host of suspects including a deranged janitor, a megalomaniacal fry cook, and a giant singing tapeworm named Squirmy.


Snappy's Happy Half-Hour
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
Up to 18 actors, male or female flexible, 35 minutes, perfect for UIL competitions

When the disgruntled cast of Snappy's Happy Half Hour quits moments before a live broadcast, it's up to the techies to save the beloved children's television show. Unfortunately, the techies include a megalomaniac, a hell's angel on work release, and a clinically depressed lighting technician. Can they keep the smiles on their faces and the magic in their fingertips? Don't count on it. Hilarity, mayhem, and wanton destruction ensue when the people behind the cameras are forced to jump in front of them. 

This is the funniest one yet. It features two giant bunnies destroying the set!
 

!Artistic Inspiration (downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
5-26 actors, male or female flexible, 35 minutes, perfect for UIL competitions

Two hack writers living in a basement apartment decide to create the most-produced play in America, creating something so bland, so inoffensive, as to be performable in every high school in the world. Unfortunately, their exercise quickly turns into a competition to see who can write the worst play imaginable.
 

The Murderous Mansion of Mr. Uno
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
11 actors, 6 male, 5 female
Murder mystery: up to 60 minutes

Six complete strangers show up at a mysterious mansion only to discover they are being blackmailed for a variety of sins. Sounds like a recipe for murder? Well of course it is. A vicious, hilarious satire on a murder mystery featuring three dead bodies, a lascivious entymology professor and a mad general with flashbacks to a North Korean prison. Features eleven possible alternate endings.
 

Christmas Collections

The Trial of Santa
(full sample | buy now)
13-23 actors possible: 5-20 females, 3-18 males

The trial of the century: Santa Claus (aka Kris Kringle) v. Emily Worthington (aka bratty nine-year-old girl). In the TV courtroom of Judge Trudy, Santa is charged with delivering the wrong present on Christmas Day. Will Santa be convicted of this heinous crime? Or will Santa's vicious Elven lawyer prove beyond a doubt that Emily was naughty, not nice?


Suzie Scrooge 
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
9 men, 3 women plus extras

After her uncle's transformation from the town's biggest miser to its biggest sap, Suzie Scrooge is suspicious of everyone around her. Tiny Tim's “leg cancer” never seems to be getting better no matter how much money Mr. Scrooge gives them, and they're always shaking him down for more cash. Her Christmas spirit is tested, however, when she is visited by the ghost of her old science lab partner, Marley, who died in a horrific weights and measures related experiment. And there are three other spirits right behind him. 

Wishful Thinking (downloadable sample)
3 women, 2 men, up to 10 either

Morgan is fed up with all this Christmas nonsense. Her father, who works for Hallmark, spews sentimental stories all day long, and her Mom won't even let her go to her best friend's Christmas party. After a run-in with a pepper-spraying elf and some overly enthusiastic carolers, Morgan wishes Christmas never existed. But she should be careful what she wishes for.


An Honorary Elf (Or The Girl Who Saved Christmas)
(downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
(13 characters, gender flexible), Comedy, 40-45 minutes 

Ten year-old Gina's mother doesn't even know she exists. So when she gets the chance to run away with two of Santa's Elves to the North Pole, she jumps on it. Problem is: Global warming is melting the ice and soon Santa's workshop will sink beneath the ocean. Gina must enlist the aid of a paranoid, slightly insane Frosty The Snowman, (who believes the elves and Santa are raising the world's temperature in an effort to assassinate him) to save Christmas. But are Frosty's conspiracy theories correct? Is Santa in on it? And can she make it as an honorary elf? Probably not.

Santa-Napped (downloadable sample | full sample | buy now)
(11 characters, gender flexible), Comedy, 25-30 minutes 

Santa has been captured by the CIA for violating America's no-fly policy. Trapped in a secret prison, he has to prove that he isn't a terrorist to two deranged agents. Meanwhile, Mrs. Claus seeks to free him the only way she knows how: with a lawyer. An elf lawyer. And if that doesn't work, there's always auditions for the next Santa, but the cast of hopefuls is anything but jolly. 

Billy Shakespeare's Christmas Extravaganza and Traveling Freak Show
(full sample | buy now)
Including 4 10-minute plays:

The Elf Rebellion
Gangsta Claus
The Christmas Machine
 (this is one of my favorites, a Dr. Seuss style parable about the commercialization of Christmas)
The Bestest Christmas Ever in Texas
The Most Amazing Christmas Play Series in the Entire History of the World
(full sample | buy now)
Featuring 4 10-minute plays
Santa vs. The Garden Gnomes
Clausarella
Revenge of the Gingerbread Boy
Grandma Remembers Something
Dr. Funk's Christmas Explosion (with Demolition Derby Following)
(full sample | buy now)
Featuring 3 15-minute plays
Mall Santa Saves the Day
It's a Magical Wonderful Miracle on Christmas Street
The Christmas Tree Thief
If you would like me to send you an unpublished script, please email me and include your name, your school or theatre, and what city you're located in.